On The Night You Were Born…

My older sister, Kim, gave Zoë a book by Nancy Tillman, called On the Night You Were Born. As I read it to Zoë the other day, this quote stood out to me:

So whenever you doubt just how special you are and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far, listen for geese honking high in the sky (They’re singing a song to remember you by!)

Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo. (It’s because they’ve been dancing all night for you!)

Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind. (Listen closely…it’s whispering your name again!)

If the moon stays up late until morning one day, or a ladybug lands and decides to stay, or a little bird sits a your window awhile, it’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile..

For never before in story or rhyme (not even once upon a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again…

So many of my friends have told me to treasure this time with our newborn. If I could bottle up each and every moment, I would; but, I know that’s not really possible. I just have to experience each one as it is in front of me. I think back to the night we were leaving the hospital. It had been a pretty challenging day with doctors concerned over my heartrate, but us knowing full well that all was OK and we just wanted to get out of that dinky triage room to go home and spend time with our new baby. I remember- her strapped into her baby carrier which sat upon my lap in the wheelchair, her screaming through the halls and out the front door just past a group of touring pregnant women and their partners, trying my best to hold back tears because I had no idea what was in front of me (and I also didn’t want to scare the tour group)…the feeling of sitting in that car trying to soothe our new baby as Marshall drove us home and the feeling of being entirely overwhelmed, but at the same time in complete bliss that this sweet little miracle sitting next to me in her pink-striped zip up pajamas that were too big for her and the ruffly hospital cap, was all ours.

As a first time mom, all of the memories, frustrations, smiles, breakthroughs, laughs, nightime rubbing of the eyes, happy dances (you know, the one where she finally goes to sleep after a long night), giddy voices, shaky videos, and too many photos to count, can all seem to fly by. It’s the days at the park, I just take it all in. I look at her face in front of me, and think “Zoë is here, she’s mine, she’s Marshall’s, she’s ours, and she’s so loved.”

I feel a connection to this little girl- one that can’t be summarized in words on a blog post, but by the glow in my eyes when I see her smile, or the sight of such peace as she is sleeping, or my eagerness to comfort her when she is sad, or my excitement to show her off to friends and family or even to my favorite lady that works at Publix, or the spirit that I feel with her as my sidekick.

Several friends asked me the question, “Did you know you could love something or someone this much?” Well, I know now.