Wow. Hard. Sad. I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but I can’t explain it.  When I walked out of the daycare in complete tears, I looked at Marshall and said, “I didn’t think this was going to be so hard.”

So, let me give you the play-by-play of the morning (my apologies in advance for the long post). I woke up at 5:45am so that I would have time to shower and start getting ready before Zoë woke up. When I went down to get her in her crib, I saw the sweetest smiles looking back up at me.  I was thinking to myself that she had no idea what the day would bring. After feeding her, Marshall helped get her dressed and the car packed with the day’s bottles, her magic blanket, and all the necessities of daycare- diapers, wipes, change of clothes, an extra wubbanub, and two photos- one for her cubby and one for her crib. Then, my first tears of the morning. Yep, even before I left the house. Marshall just hugged me tight and said, “Let it out.” I think he was trying to prevent me from completely losing it when I was at the daycare.  It was a great plan, but I can’t say it worked (I did completely lose it at the daycare).

We got there, and luckily I was met by a comforting face of one of my friends, Veronica, who was dropping off her kids too. She had been through the drill before, but as she described, it hits like this every year. This daycare is completely reserved for teachers, and only opens just at the start of the school year. So like me, every parent in there had an entire summer to enjoy their little one and they were all headed back to work. As I handed over Zoë to Valerie in the infant room, I started to cry. I knew Zoë was going to be fine, but at the same time, I had this overwhelming feeling that she wasn’t my little infant anymore.  The first three months of her life have been so rewarding to us, to her, to our family. Hard, yes. Exhausting, yes. Memorable, yes. Fulfilling, absolutely! I realize this was a lot to rush through my head as I was standing in a daycare, but it did.  The sappy Lori was in full force, and there was no stopping her or her tears.  As I looked over at another mom snapping iPhone photos of her son while tears were also rolling down her face, I felt a sense of togetherness. I’m not alone, people do this everyday. Then, Valerie, my new favorite person, just hugged me so hard and said, “Baby, it’s gonna be ok, I love you.” I knew if she was treating me with that sort of care, surely my sweet Zoë who is way more huggable than myself, was going to be completely fine. On my way to work, I pulled over in the Publix parking lot to pull myself together before walking into school, tried to re-touch my makeup around my puffy eyes (only to create a full-on powdery mess of my car when I spilt the container everywhere- never try your hands at Bare Essentials when you’re not functioning), and chatted on the phone with my best friend, Juanna, back in Savannah.  She has two kids of her own, and I knew she knew what I was going through.  So, here I was- a grown mom, talking to her best friend, crying in a Publix parking lot- I’m sure I was a sight to see!

That day back at work was tough.  I walked through it in a slight daze as faculty members asked me about my summer, and all of them asked about our sweet baby. I feel lucky to work in a place where I’m surrounded by parents because so many of them knew what kind of day it was for me. They didn’t even have to say anything, but would offer me a hug, send me a text, or just let me know that they were thinking about me. Valerie from daycare gave me a call mid-morning to let me know how things were going.  As expected, Zoë was doing great- napping, eating, and just the normal Zoë stuff.  My day brightened a bit more when I received beautiful flowers with a card that read, ” Hope you have a good day back at work. I am having so much fun with Ms. Valerie. I loved spending my summer with you. Love, Zoë” – it just made me realize how happy I am that I get to have not only Zoë, but also Marshall, in my life. 

For the rest of the week, I did so much better- no more tears:) Maybe I just needed that one day to get it out of my system. I know Zoë is in a great place with people who love her, and I’m back in the swing of things at work welcoming all of my new students and excited to get back to work with my returning ones! Marshall is such a huge help in the morning and all the while, our nights are pretty awesome- Zoë falls asleep in my arms in the afternoon, we all enjoy a family walk together in the neighborhood in the evening before her bath and bedtime, and then Zoë has a good night’s sleep . This is our life now…kinda crazy!